Leader of the Australian Greens party, Senator Bob Brown, has publicly blamed the coal industry for the current flooding in Queensland.
Sen. Brown said that burning coal is "the single biggest cause for climate change, and must now take its major share of responsibility for the weather events we are seeing unfolding now."
Unless he's a hypocrite, we can take this as Brown's resignation, because on the same day one month ago, he called for the resignation of Andrew Bolt from the Daily Telegraph over his political pointscoring "while bodies were still in the ocean." With the Queensland tragedy still ongoing, and many bodies yet to be recovered, Senator Brown is obviously performing a very public and hilarious type of career seppuku.
But, if there's one thing that I love more than anything else, it's baseless speculation of an inflammatory and offensive variety. So let's go and check out the other theories doing the rounds as to the origin of the floods.
Theory: Coal use caused the floods
Senator Brown and journalist Matthew Wright have both claimed that climate change is to blame for the floods, pointing the finger at the coal industry. However, with 8.4 metre floods in 1841, 7 metre floods in 1844, and 5.3 metre floods in 1890, the evil influence of Big Coal is difficult to blame, considering that back in those days Ebenezeer Scrooge refused to burn any of the coal.
Better theory: Renewable energy caused the floods
With solar power and wind turbines being relatively recent forms of power generation, one has to entertain the idea that they are the root cause of the current storms and flooding.
Actually finding a scientific reason to blame them is a little more difficult, but nobody else is really using science, so we don't have to bother either. Perhaps if those solar panels weren't hogging all the sunshine, it wouldn't be so damn rainy in Queensland? QED, bitches.
Theory: Not enough dams
The floods have caused people to wonder why local councils and the State government haven't built more dams around the place. Fulfilling the dual roles of reducing the water flowing into towns, and storing that water in preparation for the next drought, more dams seems like an elegant solution to the problem.
Better theory: Not enough water parks
Queensland, specifically the Gold Coast, is famous for four theme parks, only two of which are water-themed. While Wet N Wild Water World and Sea World are doing their part to prevent flooding, Movie World could well be doing more, by building attractions based on the following movies:
- The Perfect Storm ship ride
- The Deep Blue Sea scary shark tunnel
- Speed 2: Cruise Control: The Licenced Bar
- The Kevin Costner's Waterworld public toilet block
Theory: God sent the floods to punish Kevin Rudd
Pastor Daniel Nalliah, from the Catch The Fire Ministry, wrote a blog claiming that the floods were punishment against Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd for speaking out against Israel.
"It is very interesting, because Kevin Rudd is from Queensland. Is God trying to get our attention? I believe so."
Pastor Nalliah also blamed the Victorian bushfires on that state's decision to legalise abortion.
Better theory: God sent the floods to punish Queensland for Willie Mason
After his career was finally destroyed by a series of public urination-related events, Willie Mason looked certain to fade from the public eye, until the North Queensland Cowboys signed him on a one-year deal.
An angry, Old Testament God is a great explanation for the flooding, as the Bible shows He is not big on forgiveness or second chances, and quite often slew men, women, and children completely unrelated to whatever has pissed Him off.
Sen. Brown said that burning coal is "the single biggest cause for climate change, and must now take its major share of responsibility for the weather events we are seeing unfolding now."
Unless he's a hypocrite, we can take this as Brown's resignation, because on the same day one month ago, he called for the resignation of Andrew Bolt from the Daily Telegraph over his political pointscoring "while bodies were still in the ocean." With the Queensland tragedy still ongoing, and many bodies yet to be recovered, Senator Brown is obviously performing a very public and hilarious type of career seppuku.
"No, but the rules are different for me."
But, if there's one thing that I love more than anything else, it's baseless speculation of an inflammatory and offensive variety. So let's go and check out the other theories doing the rounds as to the origin of the floods.
Theory: Coal use caused the floods
Senator Brown and journalist Matthew Wright have both claimed that climate change is to blame for the floods, pointing the finger at the coal industry. However, with 8.4 metre floods in 1841, 7 metre floods in 1844, and 5.3 metre floods in 1890, the evil influence of Big Coal is difficult to blame, considering that back in those days Ebenezeer Scrooge refused to burn any of the coal.
Better theory: Renewable energy caused the floods
With solar power and wind turbines being relatively recent forms of power generation, one has to entertain the idea that they are the root cause of the current storms and flooding.
Actually finding a scientific reason to blame them is a little more difficult, but nobody else is really using science, so we don't have to bother either. Perhaps if those solar panels weren't hogging all the sunshine, it wouldn't be so damn rainy in Queensland? QED, bitches.
Theory: Not enough dams
The floods have caused people to wonder why local councils and the State government haven't built more dams around the place. Fulfilling the dual roles of reducing the water flowing into towns, and storing that water in preparation for the next drought, more dams seems like an elegant solution to the problem.
Better theory: Not enough water parks
Queensland, specifically the Gold Coast, is famous for four theme parks, only two of which are water-themed. While Wet N Wild Water World and Sea World are doing their part to prevent flooding, Movie World could well be doing more, by building attractions based on the following movies:
- The Perfect Storm ship ride
- The Deep Blue Sea scary shark tunnel
- Speed 2: Cruise Control: The Licenced Bar
- The Kevin Costner's Waterworld public toilet block
Theory: God sent the floods to punish Kevin Rudd
Pastor Daniel Nalliah, from the Catch The Fire Ministry, wrote a blog claiming that the floods were punishment against Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd for speaking out against Israel.
"It is very interesting, because Kevin Rudd is from Queensland. Is God trying to get our attention? I believe so."
Pastor Nalliah also blamed the Victorian bushfires on that state's decision to legalise abortion.
Better theory: God sent the floods to punish Queensland for Willie Mason
After his career was finally destroyed by a series of public urination-related events, Willie Mason looked certain to fade from the public eye, until the North Queensland Cowboys signed him on a one-year deal.
An angry, Old Testament God is a great explanation for the flooding, as the Bible shows He is not big on forgiveness or second chances, and quite often slew men, women, and children completely unrelated to whatever has pissed Him off.
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