The secret ingredient is out! (it's semen.)

Headlines were made today when a supermarket employee handing out yoghurt was arrested after accusations that the yoghurt tasted of semen. The victim alleges that he contaminated the yoghurt with his ejaculate, a refreshing change to the popular 'spraying it all over her face' method.







The woman claimed she spat the yoghurt out immediately after she tasted semen.
Instantly, this brings some questions to mind.
- What semen-to-yoghurt ratio is required for the semen flavour to overpower that of the yoghurt?
- As a sub-question, was the yoghurt flavoured or natural?
- Did the employee masturbate directly into the yoghurt, at work, or did he collect his semen at home and bring it into the supermarket with him, like in a zip-loc bag, or maybe a tupperware container?




This incident has raised memories of other surprising finds in seemingly regular foods over the years:

- A Kentucky Fried Chicken customer is horrified to discover, in a bucket of breasts, wings, and legs, a deep fried human testicle;
- Kelloggs are forced to recall ten thousand units of Sultana Bran after it is discovered that, in an understandable factory mixup, the bran flakes have been replaced with scabs;
- A popular Sydney bakery is closed down after it is discovered that the proprieter had been sneaking into the premises overnight and reading erotic poetry to the pies;
- Coca-Cola admits to inviting all staff to spit into their product in a blatant act of disdain for customers;
- Lewis Simpson, of Frankston, Victoria, makes national headlines when he buys one dozen chicken eggs from Coles, which all hatch into snakes;
- To make their gum more chewy, Wrigleys add pieces of recycled condoms to the mix;
- A Korean restaurant in Parramatta becomes the talk of the town when Department of Health tests reveal that not one single dish contains traces of dog meat;
- Not one existing consumer is deterred when it is revealed that McDonalds actively encourage their staff to hide pubes in the burgers.